


The Fate of an Innocent Napkin

by cadkitten



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Coming Out, Confessions, Gen, M/M, Sex Talk, inclusive discussion, the birds and the bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 18:32:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17085503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: Dick valiantly attempts the sex talk, Jason gets snide, and Tim gets embarrassed.





	The Fate of an Innocent Napkin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> For the #jaytimss exchange on tumblr.  
> Prompt: Dick giving the sex talk to the boys because Bruce has failed in doing it, little does he know Jason and Tim are already sleeping together. Jason gets obnoxious.  
> Beta: kate1zena

Across the table, Dick shifted in his seat again. It was distinct – something Tim had witnessed before – and it brought back memories of many an awkward conversation with Bruce across the table, Dick looking small and lost in the early days of Tim becoming Robin. Favors and begging forgiveness and quiet pleas for help that were always punctuated by Dick having been roughed up a little too much out on the streets. 

This time though, Bruce wasn't here. It was only Jason and Tim on one side and the messy remains of a deep dish pizza between them and Dick. With Dick shifting, the pizza reminded him a little bit too much of a barrier. A tasty one, but a barrier nonetheless. 

Dick wet his lips and picked up his balled up napkin for the third time, starting to smooth it out against the table. Tim watched Dick flatten out the grease stained paper against the table once again and then his hands pluck at it until he had it in one fist, balling it up once more, his eyes staring through the table rather than at it. He sighed; someone had to rescue Dick before he combusted with whatever he was holding in. Slicking his tongue over his own lips, he took a deep breath, though he didn't get further than that before Jason piped up.

"What gives, Dickie? I don't think even your best efforts are going to revive the tree that gave its life for that napkin."

Dick looked somehow shocked to find the stupid napkin in his hand, dropped it to the table and cleared his throat. "Uh... well, there is something we need to address."

Jason snorted and Tim slid one foot over to lightly nudge him, effectively silencing whatever rude remark he had been about to make.

"Go for it." Tim leaned forward, propping his chin on his palm, elbow braced on the table. Getting Dick started talking usually wasn't a task... unless he was fretting over something, which was clearly the case tonight. Thoughts of recent news clips from Blüdhaven drifted over Tim's mind, nothing sticking out enough to cause this kind of a scene anyway. 

Dick blanched, _actually blanched_ , and then, in a rush, he spilled what was on his mind. "I'm pretty sure Bruce is still as bad at this as he used to be... as he was with me... and I guess I sort of feel responsible for you guys in a way. Not like... a _dad_ kind of way or anything, but like... you're my brothers, you know? So it kind of feels like one of us should do this and I guess... it's me." He stared down at his plate like it was the most interesting thing in the entire world and Tim wished like _hell_ he could help pry whatever this was from Dick's brain, give him a little relief from it. 

Tim glanced away, giving Dick a moment to compose himself at the awkward pause in his words, instead watching Jason silently shove a huge bite of pizza into his mouth and start chewing. Sometimes the guy still ate like he was on the streets, particularly if he was distracted, and while endearing, it was also sad. Tim stretched out one leg and hooked his foot around Jason's ankle, their eyes meeting briefly, a tiny fleeting smile gracing Tim's lips before he refocused on Dick.

"I'm making the leap here that he didn't do this, but, God... stop me if he has, okay?" Dick's hand lifted to his hair, scratching at his scalp for a few seconds before making a face and putting his hand back down on the table. "Alright, so, you're both past the 'your bodies are changing' phase so I'll spare you that, but the way I figure it with all the time we _don't_ have, you probably haven't had time for the whole... _sex_ thing."

Jason made a strangled sort of sound around his bite of pizza and Tim tugged on his leg to try to get him to calm down and hopefully stay quiet. He pursed his own lips, something like dread filling his stomach. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd counted his blessings not to be subjected to one of these talks in his life and now, here he was, Dick – of all people – doing it.

"I won't pretend to know either of your sexualities, I try really hard to stay out of other people's personal business like that. So I'm going to cover the whole spectrum just... to be sure. Let's start on something easy for all of us..." he drifted for a second and then breathed out, "Asexual. Some people are asexual, by which I mean they feel no compulsion or drive toward sex. Some only feel that way with a partner and still masturbate to tend to their bodies' needs. Yet others feel no particular need to masturbate either. It can range from there," Dick gestured wide with his arms, "it's a whole spectrum, you know? Like from absolutely nothing – no feelings or thoughts sexually at all – to loads of sexual feelings and thoughts and anything in between. Just like we can be anything from not attracted to anyone to attracted to those differing in body parts from your own to the same as you... or both. Heterosexual, Bisexual, Homosexual... hell, there's even pansexual and demi-sexual and probably something I've missed somewhere in there, but it's _huge_. So many different ways your sexuality can manifest... or not."

Dick paused, taking a shaky breath, clearly doing his best to put on a soft smile. "There's differences in romance, too, just the same. Some people only want sex with romance, some people only feel sexual feelings for people they are in love with. Some people don't feel the need to have romance involved at all and yet others have never felt – and never will feel – romantic feelings at all. Some want a relationship and some want sex without strings. Some people have a lot of partners, some have a few, and some may have none in their lifetime. All of it is allowed and beautiful and to be respected. People in this world are cruel sometimes and may label these things with rude words or ruder indications, but I'm sure you know we shouldn't let their feelings have bearing on our own. Words like slut, whore, prude... they're uncalled for and should not be used."

Dick's cheeks heated a bit and he ducked his head. "Unless, you know, you're into that... in the bedroom... then that's between you and your partner. That's... well, that's some variety of kink and we can get into that later, privately, if you want, but, uh, be aware I'm maybe not the foremost authority on any of it. But I'll try!"

Tim wanted to sink into the floor, maybe disappear for good. He was embarrassed for himself but more so for Dick. While he honestly thought Dick was doing a good job of this, he also felt it entirely unnecessary given his own – and Jason's – sexual status, but he wasn't willing to tip his hand on that. What he did in private with Jason wasn't really anyone's business but his and Jason's. Besides, it wasn't like anyone _knew_ they'd sort of become a thing in the past few months. Or maybe... _they did_.

Tim felt the heat start to creep up his neck, knew his cheeks were growing rosy, and worse yet, he could feel his cock trying to respond to all this sex talk and God help him, they weren't even remotely delving into anything of note just yet.

"Moving forward from asexuality, there's demi-sexual which can come in just as many flavors, but the easiest explanation would probably be you're only sexually attracted to someone you are in love with or within very specific situations and not at all outside of it. It's also sometimes called gray-ace. Ace... meaning asexual." Dick shifted in his seat again, picked up the napkin and began shredding it. "Heterosexuality, the one you get inundated with within media the most - a gal and a dude. Same sort of ranges there, love, not, things in between. Homosexuality, a dude liking a dude or a girl liking a girl, or wanting to have sex or being attracted to those of the same parts as you. Bisexual, is both and pansexual is everything in between. There's a bit of contention with bi and pan mostly due to how strict the definition should be and if bi should or shouldn't include trans individuals. I personally think you should feel comfortable with whatever label you pick – if you choose to pick one – and define it how you see fit. I uh..." he cleared his throat, "I think most people think I'm heterosexual, but I'm not. I've identified as bi most of my life, but when all this hulla-ballo came up about bi and pan, I started thinking to myself, I guess maybe I'm more pansexual since I'd be okay with literally anyone I'm attracted to or love gracing my bed... but I have this attachment to the claim I laid so many years ago on the word bi. I feel like I'm turning my back on it if I just suddenly say I'm pan instead, you know? So... I'm sticking with bi, but I'm not strictly birth-certificate abiding. I think we shouldn't look at what's there and just make assumptions. Gender... that's a whole other discussion, but I truly want to have that one with you guys. We'll walk the rest of that road later, okay?"

Tim opened his mouth to tell Dick he'd actually like to have that conversation, only to be beaten by Jason leaning over the table and grabbing the last slice of pizza. "So you ever fucked a guy then, Dickie?"

Dick's breath hitched and to his credit, he didn't sputter or stammer or anything. Rather he turned a little pink in the cheeks and let his gaze level on Jason. "I have. I've also _been_ fucked by one. There's no shame in that either."

That seemed to silence Jason and Tim managed quietly, to offer, "I'd like to have that other discussion with you later..."

"Sure." Dick smiled at Tim, looking a bit more relaxed at the positive reaction from Tim. "Come by whenever you're ready and we'll talk." Tim nodded and Dick wet his lips again, shifting in his chair until it creaked and then settling. "Right, so... safety. If you're with a girl, then please have the birth control discussion with her before engaging. I know it seems unsexy, but trust me, it's never ruined anything for me to whisper a well-placed question in her ear once I'm sure we're on the same page of heading toward the bedroom. In fact, I'm nearly certain they've all appreciated being asked. That said... even if a girl tells you she's on the pill or the shot or an implant or whatever, you should always use a condom. Condoms are a secondary barrier between you and a child you didn't mean to create, and a physical barrier between you and a disease maybe one or the other of you have no idea you're carrying. It's for your protection as much as hers. That said, if something looks funky... don't do it. Blame it on yourself: dinner is messing with your stomach or you're having some issues in the pants department. Whatever. Bail right the fuck out and never feel obligated. It's better than getting an STD."

Dick cleared his throat. "If you're with someone who cannot conceive, please still use a condom. Use one for any penetrative sex. Hell, if you're either not sure of your status or don't know theirs completely you may want to use one for a blowjob or use a dental dam for going down on someone with a vagina or rimming someone. Washing... washing is key. Wet wipes are a blessing, keep them by your bed. Not only can it improve an otherwise not-so-great situation with the _other_ things bodies do down in that zone, but it's great for cleanup. Always gently help a partner get cleaned up of lube or what-have-you."

Dick dropped the last piece of shredded napkin and promptly reached for his water glass, starting to slide his finger along the rim, another nervous habit rearing up in the face of this discussion.

"You ever rimmed someone?"

Tim choked this time, physically strangled on his own spit and began coughing so hard he earned a worried glance from Dick before he got himself under control.

"Yes." Dick leaned forward on the table this time, something challenging written in his eyes. "Have you, Jay-bird?"

Jason looked taken-aback, shock written in his expression before his eyes took on an angry glint and he slammed one hand down on the table. "Irrelevant!"

Tim covered his face, hand trembling slightly. He knew, for a fact, that Jason _had_ and not only that, but that he was damn good at it. A spike of heat shot through him and within seconds he was aching in his pants, cock tenting the crotch of his jeans obscenely. He unhooked his foot from around Jason's ankle and moved in closer to the table, praying to God neither of these two idiots realized what was going on with him.

Dick took a loud calming breath and started to speak again. "No matter your partner, you always need to ensure proper lubrication. Sometimes girls will need some extra lube or more time on the foreplay to get wet and guys will _always_ need lube for anal sex. Speaking of anal –"

Tim couldn't take it anymore. Weakly, he managed to force his words out from between his lips. "Dick... please. Please _don't_."

"I know it's uncomfortable, trust me. But with Gotham having taken all sex education off the roster for the time you were both in public school, I don't think you've been properly educated, not that I think that would have done it either, but – "

"No." Tim dropped his hand and stared down at the pizza box. "I, for one, don't need this particular talk, okay? I can't. I can't anymore." He tipped his head back and stared up at the ceiling. 

"It's okay if it's making you un-"

"Oh God!" Tim shoved his plate back from him. "Dick, I swear to God, I will leave right now if you don't stop talking."

"Awwww," Jason's body shifted toward Tim and Tim caught something horribly sinister in the way he was looking at him from the corner of his eyes. "Little Timmy got a boner?"

Tim wanted to die. Honest to God, he wanted the floor to swallow him out and never spit him back out in that moment. "Shut the _fuck_ up, asshole!"

"Hmm... you sure you want me to do that? You sure you'll like the fall-out?"

Tim's hands clenched into fists and he gritted his teeth.

"Guys... stop," Dick's voice cut through the air with authority and yet the words still remained a plea. "There's no need to antagonize each other over this. It's never a comfortable topic for anyone and everyone has different reactions to it. Jason, you're lashing out to avoid thinking about it too fully. Tim you're," he gestured, not saying it, "It's okay. None of us need to be embarrassed here or trying to hide from the reality of life. We all still need to know things and even if you're both straight, you still need to know how to properly do anal sex because it's the same even with a girl. There's prep that needs to be done –"

"I know!" Tim startled himself by half-yelling it, swallowed down his words for a second to regulate his volume and then continued, "I _know_ , okay? I'm already sexually active and I'm fully aware of how to have the sex I'm having. For the love of everything we believe in, _stop_. There's not a damn thing on this planet that makes me want to hear you explain how to prep for anal sex. I'm sorry, I really am, but I just don’t want to have your voice in my head the next time I... uh..." he trailed off, realizing he'd said too much, maybe, and pursed his lips, his face heating up again.

"Jason may still need to know."

Jason snorted. "Doubtful." He leaned toward Tim and Tim knew in that half-second that he was entirely doomed. "Have I been doing it wrong, Timbers?"

Tim almost gagged at the nickname and the fact that they'd just basically broadcasted that they were fucking to Dick. Instead, he scrunched up his face and spit out, "Maybe _you_ should learn something from Dick." With that he stood up and turned his back on the table, intent to stalk out of the kitchen and possibly out of the entire house.

"Tim..." Dick's voice was so quiet, so careful, that Tim stopped, his head bowed and his back oddly rigid. "I didn't mean to put you or anyone else on the spot. I get it that you maybe didn't want me to know your sexuality or who you're sleeping with. I never meant for it to become me prying into that. I just..." he sighed and Tim could almost envision him running a hand through his hair, the frustrated look he was sure was on his face, "I wanted to make sure you were being safe, sane, consensual, and doing it right, you know? God knows I fumbled at first. A lot more than I would have liked. I hurt some people, myself included, and that's never okay. I don’t want someone else to have to go down that path and that's all I was trying to prevent, okay?"

Tim closed his eyes, shifted slightly, unwilling to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing how tight his pants still were by turning back around. "Yeah, I get it. Just maybe when I ask to stop talking about something... do? I usually have a pretty good reason." He turned his head to glower at Jason. “By the way, thanks... _jerk_."

Jason leered at him, pointedly ran his gaze down Tim's frame. It was everything Jason usually _wasn't_ in the bedroom and it made Tim roll his eyes. "What? Didn't want to be outed to Dickie here?" He jerked his thumb at Dick. "Not like he wouldn't figure it out when you moved in with him next month."

Tim lifted one hand, shoved it against his face and dragged down harshly, counting backwards from ten to stop himself from snapping at this version of Jason, the cover he threw on to try to throw everyone off his caring underbelly. "Maybe I wanted it to be on my own terms, but... that's okay, it's out there now. _I'm_ out now." He sighed, dropped his hand and stared at Jason for a moment, his lips pursed before he started speaking again. "And _you_ can stop being such a huge jerk before I start getting conversations about how I don't have to put up with someone being rude to me. Because you're _not_ , Jason. You're caring and kind and amazing and not at all this guy you're throwing up here as some kind of front. So stop... just stop." He sighed, let his shoulders slump and chewed his tongue for a moment before making the operative decision to leave the room to calm down his raging hormones. Before he could so much as move, warm arms encircled him from behind and Jason's familiar scent encapsulated him.

Leaning back into it, Tim let himself be lulled by it, allowed his body to exist in Jason's calm space, coming down from what had been half hormonal and half embarrassment-based arousal. His cock was still hard but it wasn't raging anymore, was the easy kind he could snuff out with a few well-placed breathing exercises rather than the sort where he'd ended up locked in a bathroom stall in grade school frantically jerking off just to stop walking around with a stiffie. 

He bit his lip at the memory and let the amused little sound free into the air, finally turning to cage himself in against Jason's chest, feeling small and protected and utterly content. He heard Dick's hum of approval and his more than obvious exit from the room and while he was thankful for it, he also didn't intend to do anything more than rest right here against Jason's chest. Right where he could see himself staying for the rest of his life.

He hid a smile in Jason's shirt, fisted his hands in Jason's shirt and drifted.


End file.
